If Only...
The Covenant Christian movement has been grappling with a painful dispute for well over a year now—one centered on how women's councils handled the removal of a priesthood certificate. To many of us, resolution feels distant, even impossible.
In conversations within the movement and in various writings, a common sentiment emerges: things would finally settle if only the other side would repent.
We hear sentiments like these (borrowing character names from Friends for analogy):
In my previous post, I explored tribalism and how it clouds our judgment. We excuse flaws in "our team" while harshly condemning the same flaws in the "other team."
That's why I deliberately chose the analogy of Shiz and Coriantumr from the Book of Ether. Neither figure offers a side worth joining—their story ends in mutual destruction, with no victors. The lesson is stark: we must stop seeing ourselves as belonging to opposing camps.
We are all on the same team—Team Covenant Christian. This team stands against wrong actions no matter who commits them. It pursues truth wherever it leads, without favoritism.
Clarice Scott's opening prayer at the most recent women's conference captured this beautifully: she prayed that we were all wrong in some ways, and that choosing sides was itself part of the error. We should choose principles, not teams.
Tribalism tempts us to frame the conflict as one side wholly right and the other wholly wrong. A healthier perspective acknowledges that, as imperfect people, we have all contributed mistakes along the way.
The Covenant Christian movement has been grappling with a painful dispute for well over a year now—one centered on how women's councils handled the removal of a priesthood certificate. To many of us, resolution feels distant, even impossible.
In conversations within the movement and in various writings, a common sentiment emerges: things would finally settle if only the other side would repent.
We hear sentiments like these (borrowing character names from Friends for analogy):
- "If only Joey would humble himself, admit he was wrong toward the women, and ask how to make amends, this whole conflict would dissolve. Chandler and Ross should force him to do the right thing."
- "If only Monica and Rachel would own their mistakes in how they treated Joey, he could respond properly, and we could all move forward."
- "If only Phoebe would respect the group's decisions, stop defending Joey so fiercely, and accept that he acted improperly instead of insisting he was mistreated, we could finally put this drama behind us."
In my previous post, I explored tribalism and how it clouds our judgment. We excuse flaws in "our team" while harshly condemning the same flaws in the "other team."
That's why I deliberately chose the analogy of Shiz and Coriantumr from the Book of Ether. Neither figure offers a side worth joining—their story ends in mutual destruction, with no victors. The lesson is stark: we must stop seeing ourselves as belonging to opposing camps.
We are all on the same team—Team Covenant Christian. This team stands against wrong actions no matter who commits them. It pursues truth wherever it leads, without favoritism.
Clarice Scott's opening prayer at the most recent women's conference captured this beautifully: she prayed that we were all wrong in some ways, and that choosing sides was itself part of the error. We should choose principles, not teams.
Tribalism tempts us to frame the conflict as one side wholly right and the other wholly wrong. A healthier perspective acknowledges that, as imperfect people, we have all contributed mistakes along the way.
Even a Single Soul
The Lord has warned: "Even a single soul who stirs up the hearts of others to anger can destroy the peace of all my people. Each of you must equally walk truly in my path, not only to profess, but to do as you profess." (T&C 157:19)
For years, this verse troubled me. I read it as a dire warning that one disruptive person could derail the entire movement, leaving us all vulnerable to failure.
But I've come to see it differently. Yes, one person can destroy the peace—but only if the rest of us allow it. Only if we let their words or actions stir our hearts to anger.
We have real choice here.
We don't have to ignore those who provoke us or pretend anger isn't real. Instead, we can choose a different path: listen carefully to their perspective, seek to understand it, discern what truth or validity might lie within it—even when we disagree strongly. Be open, humble, and prayerful rather than reactive.
When we respond with discernment instead of defensiveness, anger loses its power. We protect the peace—not by silencing others, but by guarding our own hearts. In doing so, we fulfill the Lord's counsel to "walk truly" in His path, turning potential division into opportunities for growth and greater unity.
This perspective frees us from fear and empowers us to contribute to the peace we all desire.
Taking the First Step
Here's the hard truth: we cannot repent for someone else. We cannot force another's repentance. The only person we can truly change is ourselves.
This conflict could move toward healing today if each of us would do these simple, courageous things:
- Look honestly in the mirror and identify your own mistakes.
- Offer sincere apologies and make amends where you have caused harm.
For those not directly involved but who chose a side: reflect on how you've treated the "other" group. If words or actions caused offense, reach out privately to apologize. As Denver emphasized in his post "Monsters," resolving personal offenses privately is not optional—it's essential work for disciples of Christ.
Let's stop waiting for the other side to go first. Let's each take responsibility for our part—right now. In doing so, we honor the principles we claim to hold dear and open the door for genuine reconciliation.
You think Satan will be bound a thousand years, and it will be so, but do not understand your own duty to bind that spirit within you so that you give no heed to accuse others. It is not enough to say you love God; you must also love your fellow man. Nor is it enough to say you love your fellow man while you, as Satan, divide, contend, and dispute against any person who labors on an errand seeking to do my will. How you proceed must be as noble as the cause you seek. You have become your own adversaries, and you cannot be Satan and also be mine. Repent, therefore, like Peter and end your unkind and untrue accusations against one another, and make peace. How shall there ever come a thousand years of peace if the people who are mine do not love one another? How shall Satan be bound if there are no people of one heart and one mind?
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